“Supernatural”

Supernatural. What goes through your mind when you think of this word? Like myself I bet that most people have a negative connotation which is well deserved. In pop culture the word often refers to evil events from unknown entities. Many horror movies use the word similarly.

The actual definition of the word supernatural states: a manifestation or event attributed to some force beyond scientific understanding or the laws of nature. No mention of good or evil. Which leads to this recent revelation.

The guitar pictured above, the Epiphone ES 335, my guitar, has supernatural powers. No seriously folks, you gotta listen to understand.

I bought this guitar as a birthday gift for myself in January 2023.  For about a year I researched several guitars to find one suited to the sound I wanted. After many music store visits, demos, inquiries and questions I originally settled on two other guitars: American Fender Stratocaster or a PRS 22 Semi-hollow.  I was pretty much sold on either (or both….) of these guitars. Played a bunch of different ones. Was considering color choices. Until …

I saw two 335-style guitars at the local Guitar Center. Sire Larry Carlton 335 and the Epiphone ES335. Picked them up, plugged into an amp, and I heard THE sound. Warm, full, vibrant. Just what I wanted. So I chose the Epiphone (or did it choose me …..?) because it felt “right” to my heart, ears and hands.

Here is where it gets…… interesting. January 8, 2023. There are three Guitar Center locations within 30 miles of my house. Store 1 is closest, store 2 is next and store 3 is the farthest away. I went to store 1 to buy my guitar but it was not in stock. I was told that store 2 had the the guitar so I prepaid and went to store 2. I get there and they say the inventory was wrong so they don’t have it either. But store 3 has ONE left.

After driving 25 miles south I now have to drive 45 miles northwest to store 3. I get there and go inside expecting the worst. The store is alive with activity. I make my way past, look on the guitar wall and there it was. In the exact color I wanted.

As I stared at this guitar for a few minutes my eyes were drawn to an obvious imperfection on the body. For some unexpected and unknown reason this gave the guitar more appeal to me. To this day I cannot explain why I immediately felt this way about this guitar. I buy it and take it home.

The guitar’s supernatural powers were not apparent early. It was subtle and took some time to reveal itself. One of my favorite places to practice is in my family room on the loveseat. We have two large sofas and the aforementioned loveseat in this room. The loveseat is my wife’s favorite because it is a rocker and recliner. But IT IS my favorite seat for practicing. When I finish I set the guitar on one side of the loveseat until I’m ready to practice again much to the dissatisfaction of my wife.

At first my wife did not approve. Every time she saw the guitar she would move it and ask why it was not “downstairs where it belonged”. To make it worse I would move my wife’s beloved pillows to make room for my guitar. My wife would pile them right on top of the guitar. One morning I woke up to my wife upset about something. It turned out that all of her loveseat pillows were on the floor. All of them while the guitar was “sitting” in it’s seat just as I left it. I didn’t know what to say. I certainly didn’t put the pillows on the floor. Come on now. I’m a reasonable and rational person. I wouldn’t throw my wife’s pillows on the floor just because she piled them on top of my brand new guitar. I wouldn’t do that. And of course a guitar could not do that, right?

Initially, whenever I would practice and my wife was at home she would sarcastically comment about the guitar.  “He’s off to La La Land again.” “How long are you gonna practice?” “That guitar has you living so random.” (My favorite!) Inexplicably and unexpectedly, my wife now requests my presence on guitar whenever she’s in the kitchen or family room! She even asks, “Are you gonna practice today? Occasionally she’ll even sing along. When she cleans she no longer touches my guitar. Unbelievable! What is in this guitar?

That’s not all. The loveseat is no longer my wife’s favorite seat. One day I was sitting on the sofa and my wife walks in and says, “You’re in my seat. Go sit on the loveseat with your guitar.” What is up with this guitar?

Whenever my oldest son would see me practicing he would just start a conversation with no regard. Now if he sees me he gives a silent salutation, a nod and a smile. Every now and then he’ll say, “You serious about that guitar huh dad.” Then he’ll chuckle with approval. I rarely curse when addressing my children but I use these occasions to have some fun of my own. I respond, “Damn right boy! Gotta learn this shit before I get too old…..!

If these incidents are not strange enough consider this. The guitar has curbed my appetite for junk food. Whenever I get hungry while practicing I crave cakes and cookies but somehow end up eating graham crackers and fruit. Is it watching and attempting to control me? Also, whenever I go downstairs to practice in the music room I leave the guitar there. When I come back upstairs I find the guitar is somehow back in it’s place on the loveseat……..what the hell? How? Is it following me? One day I was looking at other guitars online. I went to the kitchen to cook some food and cut my finger. I think the guitar was jealous. Probably should have gotten stitches as it bled and hurt for two days. After the second day I took off the bandage and picked up the guitar and the bleeding stopped. Instantly. No more pain either. What is in this guitar?

You see. I now wonder if I chose this guitar or if it chose me. It keeps grabbing my hands whenever I try to put it down. It takes up ALL of my leisure time and personal life. It chose me at the perfect time. I never had a chance to entertain my mid life crisis.  Now ten years later my heart and mind are fertile ground for selfish pursuits of passion. I have become a selfish husband, absentee dad and delinquent son, brother, uncle, nephew, friend. My apologies everyone. I hope to break the spell sometime soon. In the meantime time…….

If anyone decides to stop by and say hello do not look at or touch this guitar. There is something strange going on with it. I don’t want to be responsible for any unexplainable changes in your lives.