“23 Days of Christmas”

‘Tis the Season.  The Christmas gift countdown continues.  I hope you all enjoy these gift ideas as much as I do. Now this next gift is really down to earth.  Some of you may already have one.  Here it is. 

I want a personal assistant for Christmas.  Yep, I really do.  I’m not rich nor famous.  I’m not a doctor and I don’t play one on TV, but a personal assistant is essential to my health and well-being.  Let me explain. 

I do not like washing clothes, but I manage to wash mine regularly.  However, when it is time to fold clothes and put them away I go into a mini depression.  I’m serious. All jokes aside. I get the clothes out of the dryer, pour them on my bed and stare at them for hours, unable to move because of the overwhelming thought of folding and putting them away.  The item that causes the most stress is the dreaded white tee shirt.

As I stare at the clothes, the prevailing thought is how many white tee shirts can a person wear in one week?  There are only seven days.  I’m only one person.  Yet somehow, every weekend when I wash my laundry, I end up with about 25 white tee shirts to fold.  Crew neck, V neck, recently purchased, comfortably worn, where DO they come from? 

After being shaken out of my catatonic state of fear and shock by a concerned family member, I sit on the bed phone in hand to stream music to ease my tension.  They feed me cheese steaks, honey buns, ice cream and soda to ease my heart rate, help me to relax and to lower my blood pressure.  Sometimes I get Tylenol too. These do help at times but are not 100 percent effective.

Some days I manage to get the shirts folded and put away but it’s a mental struggle. Most days I don’t. They usually stay on the bed and I ask my wife to call the doctor or take me to the emergency room and then she’ll put them away for me. Some days, when it is really emotionally challenging, I “unwittingly” put the clean shirts in the dirty clothes basket so I don’t have to fold them until the next week. My sons, in an attempt to help me I think, will come and take MY shirts and wear them and then put them in MY dirty clothes basket. I see the pile going down so I’m feeling better!

So now you see. I really need a personal assistant to handle my laundry. I would settle for someone to just handle my white tee shirts. I’m serious. I asked my wife and SHE AGREES! Serious inquiries only please. ‘Tis the Season……

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